I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
