dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
