She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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