Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
