omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
