go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
