if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
