I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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