Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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