Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
