Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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