i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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