ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
