I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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