Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
