hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
