he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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