perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
