Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
