there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
