Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
