My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
