margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
