Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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