no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
