Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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