so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
