LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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