Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
