Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
