I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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