guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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