You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
