yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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