I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
