Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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