whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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