we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
