Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
