U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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