remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
