Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
