I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
