It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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