I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
