dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
