Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
