reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
