I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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