Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
