i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
