his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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